


Lockbox

by comefeedtherainn



Category: BioShock 1 & 2 (Video Games), Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Crossover, M/M, Mass Effect Reverse Big Bang 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 04:55:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17574299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comefeedtherainn/pseuds/comefeedtherainn
Summary: "What happened to you, John?""...too much to tell."





	Lockbox

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Mass Effect Mini Reverse Big Bang, and inspired by art by the fabulous shotce over on tumblr!

“Daddy!”

“He’s not waking up.”

“Is Daddy dead?!”

“No, he’s not dead, stupid! Look, he’s breathing.”

“I’m gonna go get help!”

“Alice-!”

* * *

Kaidan was on his feet and reaching for a rifle that wasn’t there before he realized what had startled him. He put a hand over his racing heart, scratching Charlie’s ears as the German Shepard nudged his head underneath his opposite hand.

“I’m okay,” he assured him quietly, smiling a bit, before turning to answer the pounding at the door, growing louder by the second. He limped a bit for the first few steps, his bad hip twinging at the sudden movement. “What in the-?”

He blinked as a little girl nearly face-planted in his doorway. She couldn’t be more than eight years old, in a tattered and filthy dress with stringy black hair. She looked up at him for a moment, then grabbed his hand and began to tug him out the door. Charlie followed close on his heels.

“This way, mister!”

“Hey, wait!” he protested, pulling her to a gentle stop. He turned her to face him, kneeling in front of her and frowning deeply at the dark circles under her eyes. “What happened to you? What’s wrong?”

She stared back at him, her big brown eyes starting to shine as they welled up. “My daddy needs help!” she pleaded, her voice trembling, and Kaidan was already getting back onto his feet before she finished the sentence. Charlie licked her face a couple of times to get rid of the tears that had escaped, though that just seemed to frighten her more as she took a couple skittering steps back.

“It’s okay, he’s friendly,” Kaidan promised. “Listen, we’ll go get a doctor okay? Then you can show me where your daddy is.” He offered his hand, which the little girl eyed warily before lifting up a foot to step into his palm. Kaidan blinked and pulled it away before she could trip. “Wh-no. Just hold onto me, okay? So you don’t get lost.”

Her mouth formed a soft ‘o’ of understanding and she took two of his fingers into her tiny palm. She still kept her distance from Charlie, staring at him with round eyes like she’d never met a dog before. Hell, maybe she hadn’t. Kaidan filed away the strange behavior to focus on the task at hand, rushing all three of them down the street to the doctor’s office as quickly as his hip would allow. The seaside town was tiny, a population so small that everyone knew everyone, and many had even gone to school together. The town drew many tourists, one of it’s biggest attractions being the inn overlooking a grand lighthouse, off in the distance and only accessible by boat. Not that anyone ever visited; it was private property, though it appeared quite rundown.

Kaidan pushed his way past the door into the doctor’s office, the bell tinkling to announce his entrance. Dr. Parasini stuck her head around the corner, smiling when she noticed him.

“Kaidan. I didn’t think you were scheduled until next week.”

“No, you were right, Gianna,” he said. “I’m not here for me, it’s this girl. She came to my house, saying her dad needs help. By the look of her, there was an accident.”

Gianna’s face fell and she came out from behind the corner, kneeling in front of the little girl and taking her face in her hands. “Oh, dear. Are you hurt, sweetheart?”

The little girl did not answer except to squeak and pull herself out of the doctor’s grasp, scurrying to hide behind Kaidan.

“Poor thing. Let me just get my kit,” Gianna told him, nodding firmly. “I’ll be two minutes.” With that, she dashed into the back.

Kaidan let out a quiet breath from his nose, looking down at the little girl and resting a hand on her head. “See? Doctor Parasini’s gonna help. It’ll be okay.”

No response, except a quiet nod.

“What’s your name?” he asked her.

She hesitated, then looking up at him with wide eyes. “Alice,” she murmured.

“That’s a pretty name,” he replied, returning her small smile.

Gianna emerged once more, her medical kit in hand. “Alright.”

Kaidan nodded, looking down at Alice. “Okay, take us to him.”

She took his two fingers again, squeezing them tightly as she dragged him out of the door, Gianna and Charlie following close behind. Alice led them down by the docks, almost tripping over her feet as she tried to run faster than she could pull Kaidan along. As they drew closer Kaidan saw a man, sprawled out on his back on the docks and surrounded by four little girls, equally dirty as Alice. The man was blond, wearing a filthy cream sweater and covered in cuts and bruises. When they got close, all four girls turned to look at them at once, forming a protective ring around the prone man.

“It’s okay,” Alice told them, looking up at Kaidan and dragging him more insistently. “They’re gonna help.”

“Who’re you?” one of the girls asked Gianna, a bright head of red hair in ragged braids resting on either of her shoulders. She had a distrustful look in her eyes, and stepped in front of the others almost protectively.

“I’m a doctor,” Gianna told her.

All four of the girls gasped and pressed even closer to the unconscious man.

“She’s nice!” Alice insisted. “She’s not a mean doctor! She wants to help!”

“Your dad is in rough shape,” Kaidan interjected, keeping his voice calm and quiet so as not to agitate the frightened girls even more. “Dr. Parasini can fix him right up. It’s gonna be alright.”

He was a little unnerved as five sets of big eyes settled on him, none of the girls speaking for a moment as they seemed to consider his words. Then, the red haired one nodded to the others, and they parted their protective circle.

Gianna knelt in the gap they’d left, reaching to examine the girls’ father. As she was prodding at him he stirred, frowning a bit and opening his eyes to a squint. With a grunt of alarm he pushed himself up to sit, shoving Gianna away and forcing Kaidan to catch her before she tumbled backward.

“Hey, hey,” Kaidan said, reaching out to steady the man before he could try to stand too quickly. “Listen, buddy, everything’s alright. We’re friends, we’re here to help.”

The man finally opened his eyes, and though they were a bit hazy, Kaidan was struck by the brilliant blue. He stared, captivated, for so long that Gianna had to step in.

“Sir,” she said calmly. “Can you tell us what happened? Were you attacked?”

The man looked at her, opening his mouth to speak. Only a hoarse, choked off noise came forth, though, and it was then that Kaidan noticed the marled wound on his throat.

“Jesus.”

“We need to get him back to my office, before that becomes infected,” Gianna insisted, glancing up at Kaidan. “Help him walk, Mr. Alenko.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Kaidan ducked to ease the man’s arm over his shoulders, carefully helping him to his feet. He was still conscious, thankfully, but seemed unsteady and to be having a hard time holding his head up. Kaidan could feel all five of the girls’ eyes on his back as he stumbled along, painstakingly assisting the injured man to Gianna’s office.

* * *

“I have no idea how to explain most of these injuries.”

“What? Why not?” Kaidan asked, frowning at Gianna as she lowered herself into a chair across from him.

She’d been in the back with the injured man for a couple of hours at least, leaving Kaidan, Charlie, and the man’s five daughters sprawled around her waiting room. Kaidan usually really liked kids, but these weren’t typical kids. They stuck close together, eyed him suspiciously, stared around the office like they’d never seen anything like it before. They also jumped at every tiny sound, especially when Charlie would yawn or scratch at his ear.

“Some of them are clearly bludgeoning damage, cuts, and scrapes,” Gianna explained. “But some of them…layers of his skin have peeled away, and that wound on his throat…it isn’t clean, as if someone tried to cut it. It looks like someone stuck a blender inside and turned it on. He can still make quiet sounds, but whether he’ll be able to speak again is questionable.”

Kaidan shook his head, passing a hand through his hair. “Poor bastard.”

“He has no identification on him. He can read and write, at least, and tells me his name is John Shepard, but he doesn’t know where he’s from,” Gianna sighed, rubbing her forehead. “And then there’s the matter of the children.”

Kaidan frowned, looking to the frightened girls huddled in the corner. “Amnesia, maybe?”

“It’s possible. He may remember in a few days, or he may not.”

Kaidan let out a long, quiet sigh. “Well…listen. I’ve got room at my place. They can stay with me for a bit, until he’s back on his feet.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do something like that, Mr. Alenko.”

“It’s no trouble,” Kaidan promised. “Me and Charlie don’t take up much room. And they’re clearly in trouble, so…happy to help.”

Gianna lifted the corner of her mouth, reaching to squeeze his shoulder. “If you’re sure. I’ll help you get him over, and leave you some supplies for tending his wounds.”

“Alright.”

Together, they escorted John Shepard and his girls to Kaidan’s house. John was still heavy on his feet and stiff with pain, but seemed to be getting less groggy as time went on. Kaidan let them all inside, nudging open the front door with his hip and ushering John to the spare room. It was a little dusty, rarely used, but thankfully clean. John’s clothes were still dirty and bloody, though, so Kaidan resolved to change the duvet as he helped him to lie down on top of it.

“I’ll get you a change of clothes,” Kaidan murmured, watching as all five girls climbed onto the bed and grabbed onto whatever parts of John they could find. He smiled tiredly, resting a palm on top of Alice’s head while another, smaller girl with eyes nearly as blue as his own clung to his sweater. Kaidan and Gianna ducked out to give them all a moment.

“I’ve stocked this bag with everything you’ll need, it’ll last you about a week,” Gianna told him, pressing the bag into his hands. “Please call if you need me, otherwise I’ll be by to check in. And…let me know, if he does speak.”

Kaidan nodded, glancing toward the bedroom door. “I will. Thank you, doctor.”

With another pat on Kaidan’s shoulder, Gianna was off, and Kaidan was alone in his house with an injured man and five little girls. He took a deep breath as he realized what he’d gotten himself into. Too late to turn back now. He shuffled into his own bedroom, rifling through the closet for something John could borrow. He grit his teeth as his hip practically screamed at him to sit the hell down, or at least grab the cane he almost always refused to use, but he ignored it. When he returned to the spare room, John had propped himself up a bit, with girls draped over him and in varying states of dozing off.

“Hey,” Kaidan murmured, smiling a bit when Shepard’s striking eyes flicked toward him. “Um, I brought you a change of clothes.”

John looked at the garments in his hands, made a raspy noise in his throat, then frowned and just inclined his head.

“You’re welcome,” Kaidan replied, watching as John touched his fingertips to the bandage at his throat. “Um, should I get you a pad of paper, or something?”

John nodded emphatically.

“Okay, be right back.”

It took a bit of rifling around, but he finally found a pad of paper hiding in one of his drawers in the kitchen, and managed to fish a pen out of it’s depths, as well. When he returned John held his hands out for them, writing at the top of the page in a messy scrawl. Kaidan noticed that he didn’t adhere to the lines on the page; instead, the letters floated among them as if he didn’t even notice they were there.

 _Thank you_ , said the note.

“You’re welcome,” Kaidan repeated. “Um, my neighbors, they can help get your girls a bath, and some new clothes.”

John nodded slowly, rubbing soothing circles into the back of the redheaded girl as she dozed, curled up to his side. _That would be good. I appreciate that._

“Of course. Looks like you’re in a bit of trouble,” Kaidan said delicately. “You didn’t answer the doctor, before. Were you attacked?”

John frowned, like he wasn’t sure how to answer. Kaidan wasn’t sure what was so thought provoking about such a simple question, but he tried to be patient. _No,_ John wrote eventually. _Wasn’t attacked._

Kaidan stared at him, waiting for him to say more, but he didn’t. He supposed that was the most he was going to get, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “Alright. Well, I’ll go get my neighbors, then. I’ll be back.”

John nodded, and Kaidan let him be.

He made his way to the neighbor’s, limping more than usual as his hip was now throwing a hissy fit. All the walking and heavy lifting had done a number on him. He knocked on the door, smiling when it was answered by a woman with short hair, covered in tattoos and wearing men’s trousers and a bra. A lit cigarette hung from the corner of her mouth.

“Jack,” he greeted. “Is Ash home?”

“Yeah.” Jack tilted her head back shouting her wife’s name at the top of her lungs. “Ashley!” A few startled birds flew out of the trees in the front yard.

“What?!”

“Kaidan’s here!”

A moment of waiting, the distant clatter of cupboards swinging closed, and Ashley appeared around the corner, smiling widely as she hugged Kaidan tight around his neck.

“Look who found the time to visit,” she teased, poking his ribs affectionately. “Was about to do a welfare check, haven’t seen you in days.”

“Heh, sorry about that,” Kaidan said awkwardly. He wasn’t about to get into the fact that he’d spent the past week feeling like he was watching himself go about his day from somewhere up on the ceiling, that he wasn’t eating much because everything had lost it’s taste and he wasn’t hungry anyway, that he didn’t sleep because when he did it didn’t last longer than an hour before he was sweating through his sheets, rolling out of bed to pace the house and double check the locks and look out the windows because he could have sworn he saw something in the tree line -

“Kaidan?”

He blinked, coming back to himself as Ashley stooped into his line of vision.

“Uh, sorry,” he mumbled. “Zoned out. What did you say?”

“I was just asking how you were doing,” she said slowly, her brows sitting low over her eyes.

“Well, actually, I’m in a bit of a situation,” he admitted, glancing toward his own house. “A little girl came by my house this afternoon. Her dad had been…I dunno. Jumped or something, I’m still not sure.”

Ashley blinked, pressing a hand over her heart. “Oh, my God.”

“Not just that, but the guy apparently has five daughters. No mother that I saw, unless she…I dunno,” Kaidan sighed, rubbing his face. “Point is, the girls are all filthy and need new clothes and I just really need some help.”

Something about the way he said it seemed to spark something in Ashley, who straightened up her back and squeezed his shoulders. “We’ll help you, Kaidan. Come on, Jackie. Put a shirt on, and don’t bring that cigarette!”

“Alright, alright,” Jack sighed, ducking back inside the house. She emerged a minute later, pulling a polo over her head with no cigarette in sight. “Happy?” she asked, holding out her hands at her sides.

Ashley grinned, standing on her toes to kiss her cheek. “Yes. Now come on.”

They crossed the lawn back over to Kaidan’s, Charlie jumping up excitedly when he saw who was visiting. Jack grinned, ruffling his ears and letting him lick her face.

“That’s bad manners, Charlie,” Kaidan smirked, shaking his head.

“Fuck manners,” Jack snickered.

Kaidan laughed quietly, then sobered as he nodded toward the spare room. “They’re in here. Uh, fair warning - he’s got some kind of wound on his throat, and can’t speak. He’s been using paper and pen with me.”

“Jesus,” Jack muttered, lifting an eyebrows as Ashley grimaced. “What the fuck happened to this guy?”

“Good question,” Kaidan sighed, before pushing open the door to the bedroom.

As before, all five girls swiveled their heads to stare at them at once, like deer in headlights. John was still awake, as well, and contrasted the girls’ staring with a small smile. He lifted a hand in greeting, though he grimaced as that seemed to pull something that had him lowering it just as quickly.

“John, these are my neighbors, Ashley and Jack,” Kaidan introduced, letting them both carefully shake his hand. “Ashley and Jack, this is John Shepard and…his girls.”

John reached to nudge the red-headed girl, grunting and giving her a significant look when she blinked at him. _Names_ , he scrawled on his pad of paper. The girl frowned at him, like she thought she’d misunderstood, but he just gave her an encouraging nod.

“Um. I’m Carol,” she said eventually. “You’ve met Alice,” she added, looking down at the girl in question, who was practically hiding behind her in response to the new faces. Despite her trepidation, her eyes were trained curiously on Jack’s tattoos.

“I’m Judith,” said the next, the one with the eyes that matched John’s. Her little hands were curled into fists that clung to his sweater, a ratty teddy bear tucked underneath her arm.

The next girl seemed content to say nothing, until Judith nudged her pointedly. “Um. I’m Margaret,” she practically whispered, her nearly black eyes on the duvet rather than meeting anyone’s gaze. Her hair was gathered into two poofs on top of her head, each adorned with yellow bows.

“I’m Sarah!” said the last girl, her smile big and bright. Where the rest of her sisters were varying degrees of cautious, Sarah seemed thrilled to meet new people, staring up at them with bright and curious eyes, laying on her stomach with her feet kicking back and forth in the air.

“Nice to meet you all,” Ashley smiled, though Kaidan could see her taking in their dirty hair, torn up dresses, and bruised up elbows and knees. She looked up at Jack, the two of them having a silent conversation before seeming to come to a decision without speaking at all.

“I’m gonna run into town,” said Jack, scratching her chin as she squinted at all of the girls like she was sizing them up. They looked a little shifty under the appraisal. “See if I can find some clothes for them.”

“And I’ll get them washed up,” Ashley added, smiling brightly at the five of them. “How does that sound girls? Who wants a bath?”

None of them spoke, staring at her like they weren’t sure what the hell she was talking about. Kaidan blinked, shocked, and was even more disturbed when he saw John glaring out the window, his jaw clenched.

Who the hell were these people?

“Kaidan,” Ashley murmured, touching his arm to get his attention without startling him. “ Do you have clean towels?”

“Uh, yeah, in the hall. My tub will probably only fit a couple of them at a time,” he pointed out.

“That’s okay. Alright, come on,” Ashley said, holding out her hands. “Who wants to go first?”

“Me!” exclaimed Sarah at once, leaping off the bed and grabbing Ashley’s hand.

Her sisters all stared after her, huddling a bit closer together. John grunted softly, gently nudging Margaret with his foot. She blinked at him, her eyes wide. When he gave her an encouraging nod, she carefully slid off of the bed, placing her hand in Ashley’s. Ashley squeezed her fingers gently, and led the two girls down the hall to get them washed up.

“’Kay, I’ll be back,” announced Jack, clapping Kaidan’s back. “They’re probably hungry,” she reminded him. “We’ve got bread and shit for sandwiches, if you’re out.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I probably am,” Kaidan realized, trying to ignore the veiled question underneath her words. Ash and Jack were always worrying about him. “Thanks, Jack.”

“Mhm.” With that, she left, and a minute later Kaidan heard she and Ashley’s car pulling out of the drive next door.

The rest of the afternoon was spent getting the girls cleaned up. Ashley worked hard to scrub dirt and blood off of their skin, wash and comb their hair and, when Jack returned, get them into clean dresses. Jack had dropped a decent sum of money, it appeared, as she’d gotten several bags of outfits and even pajamas. Kaidan would need to pay her back for that.

Kaidan could feel John Shepard’s eyes on him as he served the now-clean girls sandwiches for dinner, with bread borrowed from Ashley and Jack. He looked up to meet his gaze, reminding himself that the man couldn’t speak to get his attention. Instead of writing anything, though, John just stared back, his expression unreadable. He almost looked upset.

“Is something wrong?” Kaidan asked worriedly. “Are you in pain?” He reached for the bottle of pills Gianna had left behind.

Shepard shook his head, pausing before grabbing his pen and scrawling two words. _Thank you._ He’d gone over the letters a couple of times with his pen, emboldening them, and then underlined it twice.

Kaidan smiled slightly, his heartstrings pulling at the almost bewildered way that Shepard looked at him. He wondered if anyone had ever shown the man kindness in his life. He reached to squeeze John’s hand, which was rough in places but warm all over.

“You’re welcome,” he said quietly. “Of course.”

After a second, John squeezed gently back.

* * *

John was out of bed within the next couple of days, still a bit stiff but seeming to have slept off the worst of it. Now he just looked like shit, all healing splotches of yellow bruises, scabbed over cuts, and bandages plastered to his throat. As that wound in particular began to heal, John was able to make soft sounds, even speak a couple of words at a time. Gianna had said that was definitely good news, but it was still unlikely that John would speak normally again. He continued to use the pad and paper for conversations lasting longer than a couple of minutes.

Kaidan had worried about entertaining a gaggle of kids, but the girls were very easy to please. When he’d let them out into the yard with Charlie they’d just stared up at the sky and around at the open space. Charlie still made them nervous, but Sarah quickly recovered and made fast friends with him. Being a service dog, Charlie was astute enough to recognize when any of the girls were nervous around him and made a visible effort to calm himself down, licking gently and not jumping up. By the end of their fourth day, even Alice had warmed up to him, snuggling up into his fur while he took a nap in the sun.

It was still hard to know what to make of the strange little family. Kaidan couldn’t ignore the state that he’d found the girls in, or John’s horrible injuries that had brought him into Kaidan’s home in the first place. The man clearly loved his daughters, watched them with eyes so soft Kaidan felt like he was intruding on something, but he still worried about what trouble might be following them. Where would they go, once their time with Kaidan was up?

He came to sit beside John one afternoon, where he was relaxing on the grass watching Charlie chase Sarah around the backyard. “Hey.”

John looked up at him, smiling that crooked smile that had started doing strange things to Kaidan’s stomach. “Hey,” he murmured in reply.

“How are you feeling?” Kaidan asked, stretching out his legs in front of him.

“Okay. Going shooting. With Jack.” He had to pause to swallow and rest every couple of words, but he really was sounding a lot better.

Kaidan laughed quietly. “Oh, yeah? She’s roped you into that, eh?”

Shepard grinned, shrugging one shoulder. “Like guns.”

“Yeah, I heard. You sound like you know what you’re talking about,” Kaidan nodded, nudging him playfully. “Were you military?”

That strange, haunted look fell over Shepard’s face, which Kaidan had learned to associate with him being extremely vague with whatever he chose to say next. “No.”

Fighting the urge to sigh in exasperation at the stiff answer, Kaidan shrugged. “Just wondered. I was, used to be a field medic until I was injured.”

Shepard’s eyebrows lifted and his gaze dropped to Kaidan’s body, like he was trying to find where the injury was.

“That’s why I hobble around,” Kaidan explained with a dry grin. “Shattered my hip, and got shot in the shoulder for good measure. That one usually only hurts when it rains.”

Shepard nodded, and the way he didn’t look like he pitied Kaidan at all had his heart fluttering all over again.

“Badass,” said Shepard, and Kaidan laughed.

“Thanks. Been discharged for a little less than a year. Going a little crazy having nothing to do, but I got Charlie for the shell shock. So it’s not all bad.”

Charlie’s ears pricked up when he heard his own name, and he trotted over with a big grin. He plopped his head into Kaidan’s lap, looking up at him with baleful eyes.

“What? You wanna be pet or something?” Kaidan teased, snickering when Charlie whined and wagged his tail. “Alright, alright, you big baby.”

He scratched up and down the dog’s back, ruffling up his ears as well. He didn’t realize he was being watched until he looked up and locked eyes with Shepard. His expression was so soft it caught Kaidan off guard and he even blushed, swallowing as his cheeks burned.

“Sorry,” Shepard said quickly, looking away sheepishly.

“Something on my face?” Kaidan teased, trying to lighten the awkwardness.

Shepard chewed the inside of his lip, his eyes flicking up to meet his own again. “No,” he murmured, in a tone that sent a shiver up Kaidan’s spine.

Conscious thought was wiped from Kaidan’s mind, save for one word: escape.

“Um, I have…have to um…lunch time,” he stuttered, scrambling to his feet. He fled into the house before he could see whatever look was on Shepard’s face.

* * *

By the time Kaidan jerked awake, panting hard in a puddle of his own sweat, the dream was gone from his memory. All it had left in it’s wake was the frantic racing of his heart, fear of the pitch black around him and what or who could be lying in wait within. He rolled over, scrambling for his lamp and managing to flick it on after a couple of tries. He pushed himself up to sit, rubbing his face and grimacing as his palms came away damp.

He wiped them on the duvet, then climbed out of bed to complete his ritual. Double checked the locks, double checked the windows, every muscle taut and his hands in fists as he prepared to be attacked. The whole process took about ten minutes, and always ended with an hour or two sitting on the couch in the living room, staring out of the window and into the thick row of trees on the far end of the field behind his neighborhood.

Only, tonight, there was someone else already in his spot.

“John,” he gasped, getting over his momentary shock quickly enough not to do anything stupid. He’d never forgive himself for hurting the poor guy, especially not after everything he’d already been through. “Hey. Couldn’t sleep?”

John shook his head, looking apologetic. “Sorry. Scared you.”

“Nah,” Kaidan lied, coming to sit beside him. He let out a long breath, gazing straight ahead out at the clear night. He could have sworn every star in the sky was visible, the moon full and bright. In the distance, past the tree line, the tip of the old lighthouse could be seen.

“You okay?” John asked quietly. Though, he was always quiet. “You look pale.”

Kaidan grunted quietly, shrugging one shoulder. “Nightmares. Get them sometimes.” A bit of an undersell, but he didn’t want to make shit weird.

He worried he already had, as John was quiet for a while, looking away from him and picking at his cuticles. Kaidan noticed that they were already red and inflamed.

“Me too,” John said eventually.

Kaidan frowned, watching him closely. The moonlight came through Kaidan’s curtains, casting soft shapes on John’s skin. The bruises were getting better every day, many of them only faint splotches of yellow and cloudy purple.

“What happened to you, John?” he asked softly.

John’s brows pulled low over his eyes, which slid closed as he took in a deep breath through his nose. “…too much to tell.”

Kaidan left it at that.

* * *

They didn’t cross paths every night. Sometimes Kaidan actually managed to sleep through until morning, and sometimes he shuffled into the living room to find the couch empty. But often, Kaidan and John found each other when sleep would not. It became such routine that, if Kaidan could hear Shepard whispering to Charlie, he would complete his ritual of locks and windows, and then make them both a hot chocolate.

In the weeks that followed, Shepard did not heal completely, as Gianna had predicted. He did, however, improve by leaps and bounds. The bandage on his throat was eventually removed, exposing an uneven, pink scar that looked like a bursting star. He spoke in sentences, however short they may be. The bruises faded away, and he gained mobility slowly but surely, until he was able to take light jogs before dinner. He ran around in the yard with the girls, gave them piggy backs and tossing them around like they weighed nothing. To him, maybe they didn’t. Kaidan wasn’t blind, after all, and Shepard was clearly…well-built.

He also flirted a lot, which Kaidan was never prepared for no matter how frequently it happened. Not only had he not been with anyone for years, not since before the war, but John was so…open. Unashamed. Unafraid. Kaidan wasn’t quite so brave, John’s advances making his heart race, and not always in the good way. He felt like an asshole every time John’s face fell when he didn’t respond or ran away from him. He couldn’t run from his own mind, however, which he’d learned the hard way a thousand times. And his traitorous mind always seemed to find John, one way or another.

He was shaken from just such musings one afternoon by the man in question approaching him, a few pieces of paper in his hand. It may more appropriately be called a fist, as John clenched the papers so tightly they’d begun to wrinkle in his grip.

“Hey, Kaidan.”

“Hey, John,” he replied. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Listen, uh…” Shepard avoided his eyes, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. “I wanted to…wanted to tell you. What happened.”

Kaidan sat up a bit straighter. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Here.” He thrust the papers into Kaidan’s face, his hand visibly trembling. “I wrote it down. If…if you want us to leave, after…I understand.”

“John, I wouldn’t-”

John fled before he could finish.

Bewildered, he unfurled the papers in his hands. They were covered, every inch, in scrawled letters, three sheets filled front to back. After a moment of hesitation, Kaidan settled back in the corner of the couch and began to read.

* * *

John was nowhere to be found for the rest of the day. Kaidan worried, for a fleeting and panicked moment, that he’d run off, but he knew that he’d never leave his girls behind. What he’d read didn’t register, at first, floating inside of his head like it couldn’t find a safe place to land. It all just sounded so…impossible. Unbelievable. If what he’d read was true, John wasn’t the man he’d thought he was. John wasn’t like any man Kaidan had ever known. He was…well, Kaidan wasn’t sure.

What made someone a person? Having a mother? Being born from a womb? Or was a beating heart enough? Was the ability to think, feel, and love enough?

Kaidan made up his mind when he finally saw John again in the middle of the night, curled up in his usual spot on the couch, Charlie’s head in his lap and his fingers slowly picking away at his nail beds. He seemed to feel Kaidan’s eyes and went still, staring forward as if too afraid to meet his gaze.

“I read it,” Kaidan told him, when the silence stretched too long.

The only indication that John had heard him, for a long moment, was the slow curl of his fingers into loose fists. “And?”

He crossed the space between them, coming to kneel before John, his hands resting on his knees. “And…and I’m so sorry.”

He may as well have grown another head out of his shoulder, the way John looked at him. “Sorry? What the hell for?”

“What happened to you was fucking horrible,” Kaidan told him firmly. “What happened to all of you is fucking horrible. Those people…that place sounds like a nightmare, John.”

John swallowed thickly, his eyes darting to Kaidan’s chin to break the gaze. “And what do you…I mean…how do you…?”

Throwing away all of his fears and anxieties for once in his life, Kaidan reached to cup John’s cheek, tilting his head until they had locked eyes once more. “If you’re asking if it changes how I feel, it doesn’t.”

“How you feel?”

Kaidan nodded firmly, not allowing himself to chicken out. Not this time. “Yes. I…I don’t want you to go, John. I want you to stay here, with me. All of you.”

John searched his eyes, his expression unreadable. “Why?”

Instead of stumbling over words too large to carry, Kaidan kissed them onto his lips instead.

* * *

“There are more?”

John nodded, frowning into his coffee. Both of them were tired, dark circles under their eyes, but neither regretted the late night. It had been a bit of an awkward tryst, rolling all over and eventually off of a tiny couch, getting rug burn and bruising their knees on stiff carpet, trying and sometimes failing to keep their voices down, but it had been worth it.

“How many?” Kaidan asked softly, all pleasant memories of the night before overshadowed by a sick twist in his gut.

“I have no idea,” John admitted. “I never saw them all. There were at least twenty, including my girls.”

“Jesus Christ,” Kaidan breathed, rubbing his face. “God.”

It was silent for a moment, birds chirping softly outside as the sunrise slowly brightened the gray morning sky.

“I’m going back for them.”

Kaidan dropped his hands, blinking at Shepard. “I’m sorry?”

“I have to go back for them,” John told him unwaveringly. “I can’t just leave them there.”

Kaidan was shaking his head before he’d even finished. “You can’t go back. You finally escaped those people, you can’t go back.”

John reached to take his hand, squeezing gently although it did nothing to quell the spike of panic. “Kaidan. It’s…you don’t understand it, but I have to. They’re my family. We were all made in that place, I have to get them out, too.”

Any argument Kaidan may have had died in his throat. He dropped his forehead into his palm, shaking his head slowly as he closed his eyes. After a moment of deliberation, he sat up straight again. “Then, I’m going with you.”

“What? No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am,” Kaidan retorted. “If you have to do this, then you won’t do it alone. I want to help you.”

Shepard stared at him, his jaw hanging loosely, and scoffed almost in disbelief. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You aren’t. I’m offering. Well, more like dictating.”

Shepard snorted, then laughed genuinely, leaning across the table to kiss him gently. Kaidan’s lips and chin were still sensitive from the friction of his stubble hours before.

“Thank you.”

Kaidan smiled, reaching to brush his hair away from his eyes. “You’re welcome. Of course.”


End file.
